No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
