tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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