Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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