You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
