Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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