Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
