so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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