This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
