My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
