We left an ass print on the piano.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
