my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
