I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
