Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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