I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?