This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
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After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am