i think my tv is drunk
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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