his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.