I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Still dying that you shit outside
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together