If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if only i could text you this smell
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
