let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
