STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
