My first STD was from a foam party
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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