I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
