i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
