I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
