Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
...so i touched it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
