last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize