I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
