Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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