just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize