It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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