So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
