Just fell off a train. Bad.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
