He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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