He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
