he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Pants are for mortals
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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