Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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