My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
