My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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