FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize