Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
