the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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