I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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