So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
