Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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