dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
