if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
