You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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