Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
