ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
