no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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