I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
