toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
