at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
