i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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