I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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