I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
