Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
