It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
