PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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