Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
