: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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