I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
