What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
