she woke up with a sticky ear
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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