So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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