It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
