Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
