I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
