I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
