I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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