There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
