You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
