I wish you could order shots online.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
