1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
