fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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