I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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