The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
