we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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