i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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