i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
