but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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