I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
