I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
