And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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