Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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