today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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