did you get engaged???
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
