Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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