first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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