i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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